Fast for Me

About a month ago I was asked to share with my church family about the Ladies Bible Studies that our church offers. It was kind of like a commerical for them because they were getting ready to start up. I told the church that I firmly believe God places you in the right time and knows exactly what you need to hear, especially when it comes to Bible study.

I've done several of the studies here at church and I'm currently doing Beth Moore's Esther, It's Tough Being a Woman. Again God is speaking to me through this Bible study. I have to admit that there are some days when I don't really dig deep into the day's study but that wasn't the case today. For some reason I took my time and really read what Beth was talking about. A little synopsis of where we are in the study. Esther has been Queen for 5 years. Haman has sent out an edict, with the King's approval, to destroy, kill and annihilate all the Jews. Mordecai, Esther's cousin who adopted her as a child, has asked her to go into the King's presence and beg for mercy and plead with him for the sake of the Jews. Esther sends back word to Mordecai that to approach the King without being summoned would result in her death, unless he held out his gold scepter. Mordecai tells Esther that even though she's in the King's house she and her family are not safe from the edict. Finally Esther sends back word to Mordecai to gather all the Jews and fast for her. She doesn't want them to eat or drink for three days and she'll do the same. After 3 days, she will go to the King.

So here we are: It's Day 5 of week 4 and the title is "Fast for Me." Beth tells us that "we simply have no idea what God will do with even the most reluctant life. Some leap to their destinies. Others lag and loom, yet God persists, "for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable." She also says "In a crisis situation such as this (Esther's dilemma), there was no neutral position. Failure to decide brings personal loss and misses the opportunity to fulfill God's purposes. At times nothing is more consequentially decisive than refusing to make a decision. At critical moments-even those unrecognizable at the time-failure to decide is to decide on failure."

It got me to thinking have I failed God today? With each decision that I was faced with, did I truly look at each side and decide what He would want me to do or did I decide on what I wanted to do? Or an even bigger question, Did I fail to decide and miss out on fulfilling God's purpose for my life?

This especially hit home with our adoption situation. I've been questioning alot whether we've taken the road God has planned for Chad and me. As I trudge through each day knowing it's a day further from becoming a parent, I have to ask myself and God "Am I on the right path?" Perhaps I just need to have a fasting for myself. Beth explains that to have the type of fast Esther asked of her people could only mean that they would spend that time in prayer. That's not directly mentioned in the Scriptures but by all means it's what the author was implying. Maybe God is telling me to fast myself and really spend time with Him in prayer seeking the directions and plans He desires for me!

I've got some research to do!

Adoption Update

There's not alot to tell. We're still waiting on both. I did ask Chad if he had talked to our social worker and he did call last week. Our profile was shown twice and we weren't chosen. Chad didn't want to tell me because he thinks it'll upset me. But to be honest I wasn't bothered by the news. Perhaps I've gotten too complacent with my life the way it is right now. I so enjoy the time Chad and I spend together. Being able to just get up and go do something without having to pack up a baby and all that comes with them is very nice right now.

The last time I called to check where we were on the embryo waiting list we were number 12. I won't call back for a while. We were told that once we hit #10 we would begin to receive information from them. I'm just gonna wait until we receive some info from them rather than call. It's too depressing to hear that we haven't moved anymore.

I've come to the realization that it'll happen when God's ready for it to happen.