God Knows

God knows exactly WHAT we need WHEN we need it! Last night was the first choir practice we've had since our big 4th of July production. I was hesitant to go because I was tired and just didn't feel like it. (See yesterday's post) But oh how God works! The songs Keith (our music Minister) had for us to sing spoke to me so much. One in particular helped me to realize that it doesn't matter if I'll ever be a mother. There is one person who can satisfy my soul....My Jesus!!

Who Can Satisfy My Soul

Heavy Heart

I finally got the nerve up to approach the subject of foster care with Chad last night. I asked if he's go with me to an informational meeting just see what all that foster care entails. He never answered me but did ask "can you really give a child back after having them for a while?" He also mentioned that he thought we were done with all aspects of having a child. I had a feeling this is where his heart was at but I just felt I needed to try this last approach. Maybe deep inside myself I knew that we wouldn't be doing anymore to try to have children but I felt like this was truly our last option.

I have to say that it hurt! The realization that we'll more than likely never be parents is just too hard to accept right now. It's even harder to see it in print! So begins my prayer to God to take the desire from me and begin to heal my hurt!

You'd think that after hearing that biological children weren't possible, we weren't chosen again after having our profile shown, and the embryo transfer didn't work that I'd be ok with hearing that foster care is not the road for us. But to be totally honest I'm not!

My heart is hurting and yet I know that there's only one person who can heal that hurt! Lord Jesus you know my heart and all that it's dealing with right now! Come comfort me and help me to know that through it all, you're there right beside me!

Weekly Weigh-in

I weighed this morning and I lost a pound. It's been a slow process and I'm really anxious to start seeing some results but I know that it'll take time before that happens.

I didn't get to walk yesterday and I really missed it! I'll be back on track tonight!

Total weight loss to date: 5 pounds

Baby Blues

I continue to have days where I get emotional and continue to ask why not me? It's especially hard on days when I've had 3 pregnancy announcements! I know that the Bible tells me to rejoice with those who are rejoicing but it's difficult when I so desire to announce something like that myself.

Don't get me wrong, I do have days when I'm quite content with the way that we are. But there are days like today when it's just slapping me in my face. The hurt and especially the doubt creep in and want to stay for a little while.

I continue to struggle with what our next step should be. I really feel in my heart that I'd like to at least go to an informational meeting regarding foster care but I'm not sure what Chad would think about it.

My prayer life hasn't been what it should be lately and I'm truly ashamed to have even typed that! I'll just have to correct that and continue to seek God's will for my life!

Weekly Weigh-in

I hate to say it but I gained a pound this week. I'm thinking positively and saying that my fat is turning into muscle, hence the weight gain! :)

The weekends are the hardest for me. Especially when Chad wants doughnuts for Saturday mornings. He likes the twist and they are huge. I only buy 6 but have to have a taste so that could be the cause as well.

I'm going to be more conscious of what I'm putting in my mouth and how much this week. I so want to see a loss next week!

Weekly Weigh-in

I weighed today and I was down just 1 pound. Not too discouraged as it's "that" time of the month and I'm feeling a little bloated. I've been walking but I think I've got shin splints in my left leg. The other night we had my niece over to spend the night. Instead of letting her walk with us on our regular route we decided to go to the local park and her and Chad could play while I walked. I wasn't use to walking around on a flat surface and think I may have pulled something while I was walking. I stretched real good last night before walking and it still hurt to walk once we made it up the first big hill. I'll continue to take it slower for now but I don't want to stop for fear I won't keep walking.

Dog Days of Summer

I know this title most of the times refers to the heat that is felt in the summer. But for me it translates what a dog can do to your summer. We have 2 dogs that are spoiled rotten. They use to be yard dogs during the day and only came in the house at night. But during the summer it can get hot here (just yesterday it hit 100 degrees) so we would leave them in the house. When they stay in the house they are contained to our bedroom with the door shut and the TV on.

Well the past week our littlest dog, Max, who we got about a year after we got married has been a holy terror. We've come home 3 times to the carpet being completely shredded at the base of the bedroom door. For the life of me, I can't understand why he's doing it. I do know that he's getting older and showing signs of old age. At one point he couldn't hear for a while but I think that cleared up when we had his teeth cleaned. But it's just a behavior we haven't seen in him even when he was a puppy.

Chad has clipped the area everytime and each time the hole gets bigger and bigger. So I told Chad today that we should just pull the carpet up and have concrete floors in our bedroom. I looked online and found how to paint concrete floors and the picture I saw showed a beautiful floor. I'm not sure we could do something like that but I can us painting or even staining our floors. I just remembered an episode of Oprah where a family did this through out their house because one of their children had extreme allergies. In one room they did a beautiful harlequin pattern. I do know that it would be cooler in the room and better on keeping it clean too.

We may start this weekend pulling the carpet up and seeing what shape the floor is in. I did read that the key to doing this is all in the preparation. Looks like alot of hard work is in store for us!

Going Green

I wanted to help our planet and decided to make my own laundry detergent. I frequent an online forum and they were discussing it so I took the plunge. I bought all my supplies for about $9.00 and chose the recipe that the Duggar family uses. I took my bar of Ivory soap and grated it. I mixed it with 4 cups of hot water to melt it. While that was simmering, I filled my 5 gallon bucket with hot tap water. I poured the melted soap mixture into the bucket and added a cup of Borax and 1/2 of Arm & Hammer washing soda into the bucket. I stirred it to mix it all together and finished filling the bucket up. I placed it in the laundry room so it could gel overnight. The next day I stirred the gel mixture and filled my empty detergent container half full and filled it up with water. We will use about 5/8 of a cup of detergent for each wash. Because you only fill the container half full, you should get 10 gallons of laundry detergent.

So far it's done a good job! With the way Chad washes clothes I'm not sure how long it'll last us but I do know it's going to be cheaper than what we've been doing.

It feels good to be doing my part to protect our precious Earth. I'm hoping to find other ways to go green in my household.

Weekly Weigh-in

With yesterday being a holiday, I had to wait until this morning to weigh. I get so nervous walking to the weight room. But I got on the scales and I'm happy to report that I've lost another 2 pounds. I was a little surprised too because it was a holiday weekend and we partied all weekend. I did watch my portions but didn't manage to say no to the cake. Oh well, I'll continue to do what I'm doing and hopefully will see more pounds come off in the coming days!

Bummed

I didn't get to walk last night because choir practice ran later than I expected. I was going to try to walk this morning but I had to get dressed earlier than I wanted because the plumber was coming to the house. I know that I won't get to walk tonight because we're going to the grocery store. I just hate to miss a day! I've really enjoyed it!