Forgive Me?

I forgot to update yesterday. I just didn't have the energy. We did a video conference with our dr yesterday. He didn't say a whole lot about the FET. He did say that the embryos thawed well and that my lining looked great. He did say that there could have been some genetic abnormalities but he just really didn't know why they didn't implant. He suggested we look into adoption. I laughed a little at that and explained that we had been waiting over 2 years. He also suggested a private attorney that he knew to contact. Not sure about that but we did discuss it. He also said that they could put us back on the waiting list to do another round. I don't think we'll go this route again after waiting nearly a year for this round. He did say that they had about 5-7 embryos available right now but that they didn't know the race of the father. They were stored before their stricter guidelines were in place. I thought for a second about giving those a chance but not knowing what race our child would be wouldn't be a good thing.

I pretty much knew that he wasn't going to be able to tell me anything new. It just stung to sit there and have to discuss the failed procedure. I was emotional the whole day. Infertility just stinks!

Dr. Appt.

Tomorrow is our follow up appointment with our fertility doctor. I have to say that I don't want to keep this appointment. I just don't know what he's going to say as to why our FET didn't work. Yes I have questions but I'm not real sure that he'll be able to answer them. I think that some of my questions will be answered only when I meet my Savior face to face.

Just today I was talking to my best friend and telling her how much I don't want to go to the appointment. Chad was in the office when we were talking and he said why should we go. He already knew why it didn't work. I asked him why? He said it wasn't in God's plan for us. Wow, didn't expect that answer but I have to say it's the best one I've heard.

I will keep the appointment and I know that Chad is hoping they'll reimburse us some of the money we spent. He wants to pay the vet bill off!

I'll update tomorrow!

Welcome to ICLW

For those of you who don't know about ICLW, you'll need to click on the green button to the right and you'll learn all about it!

For those of you visiting from ICLW, Welcome!! Let me tell you a little bit about me. I'm Stacy and I've been married to the most wonderful man for 14 years. We've struggled with infertility for 12 of those years. We were diagnosed with male-factor infertility. We struggle with what to do and what direction to take. We knew that the expense of IVF and not being guaranteed a pregnancy led us to domestic adoption. We waited for over 2 years to be chosen. During that wait time we looked into embryo adoption/donation. We were on the waiting list at our clinic for over a year before doing one cycle in February. We were saddened to learn that it did not take and we weren't pregnant.

We aren't sure what our next step will be but we're waiting on God to show us what path He's got for us!

Looking forward to making new friends!

One Day

The past week and half have been rough. Getting the news that we weren't pregnant was so difficult. However, my family and friends have been amazing! I know that I'm in the grieving process. And it's just not that we weren't pregnant, it's the thought that we may never have children. I think that I'm over the shock and denial stage. I'm entering in to the pain and guilt stage. Some days it hurts so bad and yet there are other days when the guilt outweighs the pain. I think about what I could have done differently or what is it about my body that wouldn't sustain a pregnancy. I have so many questions and I'm not sure that I'll ever get answers to all of them. I go back to the Dr. on the 25th and I really don't want to keep the appointment. I just don't know that he'll know the answers I seek either.

I take each day as it comes! I do my best to distract myself but have many reminders of what will never be. Just last week a couple came into the daycare and asked to be put on the waiting list. They are due in November. That's when I would have been due if our FET had worked. I turn on the tv and every show I watch has some story line dealing with babies. It's these moments when I have to ask God to give me the strength to make it through.

I'm praying for God to show me what the next step in His plan is for me but to be honest I'm not sure I'm ready to take that step! I am reminded in Isaiah 43:2

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

He's walking every step of the way with me!

Results are in...

And it's not the news we wanted to hear. I'm not pregnant. It's going to take a few days to process all of this but I know that God's in charge and He's directing our paths!

Today is the day!

Today we find out if we're pregnant. I went in at 7:15 and gave my blood. I'm on pins and needles waiting for the phone to ring. I'm so hoping they call before lunch but I don't see it coming before 3.

I know there are a lot of people praying for us and I'm so grateful for that! I'm praying too that we have good news to share!

Transfer went well

Our FET was last Thursday and it went really well. Our Dr. kept commenting on how beautiful everything looked. I took Friday off and just rested the whole weekend. I've had a few twinges here and there but haven't really felt any different. I'm hoping some signs show up this week but we'll definitely know something next Monday.

I'm hoping I make it through the week without any major stress!