Another Road to Take

Chad and I are seriously looking into embryo adoption. It's a little different than domestic adoption in that you're getting embryos that another couple have left over from their IVF cycles. They want to help give other couples who are experiencing infertility the opportunity to have a child. You don't formally adopt them (it's more like a legal agreement between parties) like in domestic adoption. Chad mentioned this to our social worker and he said that their agency was beginning to work with couples regarding this. He is suppose to send us the information this week. I'm praying it's in the mail today!

We could possibly work with a clinic in Birmingham but I've been researching information about the NEDC in Knoxville, TN. The cost would be less than a typical adoption and I would get to experience pregnancy. I really had a peace about not ever experiencing pregnancy but since researching this I've gotten excited about the possiblilty of carrying a child. Granted this child would not be ours genetically but in every other way it would be. They give you two options to choose from. You can choose an open agreement or an anonymous. I think Chad and I both feel comfortable with choosing anonymouslly.

We're still looking at all the information and praying really hard to see if this is the path God is placing before us.

Doing Better

Today is a better day for me. The past few days have been really emotional and stressful but I really feel better today. I've been praying real hard about all that we've gone through these last few weeks. Asking God to show me the path he wants me to take.

Chad and I are going out of town this weekend. We are headed to Arkansas to visit Chad's brother and his family. It's our niece's birthday and we can't wait. We haven't seen them since May. I'm praying that during the drive we can discuss some other options that are out there.

I'm off to research some things I want to share with Chad!

Have a great weekend!

Broken Record??

Seems like there's a record playing and it's stuck on the same phrase...You weren't chosen...You weren't chosen. Again today we were told we weren't chosen by another expectant mother. We've also decided to have our profile not shown to another expectant mother who is having twins. There is just too much going on with her medically that both Chad and I aren't comfortable with. I've heard the saying-God never puts on you more than you can handle but with this situation there would be so much to deal with. I don't think our emotions could handle all of this plus telling these children they're adopted too!

I'm also second guessing if adoption is the right choice for us. I've got a lot of praying to do and a lot of listening to God as to where He wants us to go! It could be that the hurt from all the rejection is coming into play for me but I'm just tired right now. Tired from waiting, tired of not knowing, tired of just everything adoption related.

On my knees is where I need to be!

Update

We found out today that we were not chosen by the expectant mother who is due any day now. Chad is very discouraged and has so many questions. I'm a little sad but I truly know that my God is working in every situation. I know that one day we'll hear the words "You've been chosen!"

I pray that God will sustains us and grant us the grace we need to continue on.

I trust God to show us the way in all things! I'll continue to praise Him!!

Hopeful

I've been that way the whole time we've been waiting. Yes there have been days when that hopeful feeling was in the distance and the feeling of hopelessness was closer. Our social worker called today to let us know that there is a young girl who is due any day. She would be looking over profiles this weekend. There is a possibility that we could be chosen. He also told Chad about another young lady who is due in late Decemeber/early January. The reason he mentioned this one was to ask Chad if we would be willing to take twins. Twins! Chad told him yes! How surprising is that! I just can't imagine Chad saying yes to the possibility of 2 babies.

So many thoughts are going through my mind right now. It's all I've been thinking about since Chad told me. I know that the only thing that I can do right now is PRAY! I pray that God's will be done in each situation. I pray that each one of them has the support and strength they need to make the best decision for them and their babies. I pray that I can make it through the weekend without obessing about both situations.

I'm cautiously optimistic yet guarding my heart in case neither one works out in our favor. However I do know that God is in control and is continuing to work in the whole situation!

Cooling off

It's beginning to really feel like fall here. It's been nice during the day(the humidity has been great) and it's been cool in the evenings. The holidays will be here before we know it. Actually Christmas is just 79 days away. Sounds like alot but it'll fly by and be here before we catch our breath.

In my timeline I just knew that I'd be celebrating the holidays with a new addition to our home. And I have faith that it could happen any day. But the closer the end of the year gets here the closer it gets to having to do our physicals and bloodwork again. I just don't know if we want to go through that again. It's not covered by our insurance and I just don't know if we want to pay for that again.

I understand that God's timeline is nothing like my own. And I don't want to feel like I've given up on having a child. I know that in God's perfect plan he sees the big picture and knows just what is going to happen. I just wish that he would let me in on it too! It's hard to be patient and wait! Yet I'm reminded every day that God is on my side! He's fighting for me! He's watching to see if I fall and give in! He knows the hurt! He wants to see me grow! He knows the cost of those growing pains! He's carrying me through!