Heavy Heart

I finally got the nerve up to approach the subject of foster care with Chad last night. I asked if he's go with me to an informational meeting just see what all that foster care entails. He never answered me but did ask "can you really give a child back after having them for a while?" He also mentioned that he thought we were done with all aspects of having a child. I had a feeling this is where his heart was at but I just felt I needed to try this last approach. Maybe deep inside myself I knew that we wouldn't be doing anymore to try to have children but I felt like this was truly our last option.

I have to say that it hurt! The realization that we'll more than likely never be parents is just too hard to accept right now. It's even harder to see it in print! So begins my prayer to God to take the desire from me and begin to heal my hurt!

You'd think that after hearing that biological children weren't possible, we weren't chosen again after having our profile shown, and the embryo transfer didn't work that I'd be ok with hearing that foster care is not the road for us. But to be totally honest I'm not!

My heart is hurting and yet I know that there's only one person who can heal that hurt! Lord Jesus you know my heart and all that it's dealing with right now! Come comfort me and help me to know that through it all, you're there right beside me!